Saying "yes" (so They Won't Know It's No) ~ Guiding Behavior For
By Stephanie Olsen, Fri Dec 9th

After this afternoon's fiasco, I've developed a new parentingphilosophy: never deny your child anything.

"Yes, darling, of course you can take drugs (after you kill meand do away with my body)."

"Sure, dear - do start smoking! As soon as you've eaten thesethree packs of menthol cigarettes..."

"Of course you can have a chocolate bar, baby. When you'refinished that broccoli, we'll walk over to the store and buyone."

"You sure can go outside honey! Once we're done picking up yourtoys, we'll play on the swings together."

Keep direct negative replies at bay unless it's imperative suchas in a potentially dangerous situation. A curbside "Mommy, canI cross the street by myself?" needs to be dealt with instantlyand distinctly. Discussion and education can take place later.

Of course, you've got to be right on the ball otherwise it'squite possible that you may inadvertently agree tobungee-jumping directly the vacuuming is done. If you've erred,the

back-up here to is belly laugh loudly (holding your sidesfor further effect), wipe your eyes and say: "My, my! I'm justbeing so silly today!"

If you're in a non-critical circumstance but still need to say"no" (such as the invariable plea to stay up a little longer),try going sideways: "On the weekend, you can stay up till 10:00,but only if you go to sleep right now".

By using "no" less often, it will be taken more seriously by thekids when you do say it. In the same way, your qualified yesgives the child what she wants ("yes, you can paint") as well aswhat you want ("as soon as we put away these puzzle pieces").Tasks assigned with your proviso should be done together as muchas possible, to keep your positive-negative positive, non?

About the author:Stephanie Olsen, published writer, homeschooling mother of twoand ESL teacher currently residing in Europe, is also owner ofthe expatriate site, Family Life Abroadhttp://www.familylifeabroad.com where you'll find humorous andinformative articles by experienced expatriates on all aspectsof living abroad, with lots of links and travel tips.